10th March

Chancer llor faces tough ca

Afore headin tae the ba

Whether tae choose the caviar

Or nae dinner at aw

Schoolboy pitches water bottle

At a room fu o MSPs

“And is it pure” ain’s heard tae ask,

Reachin fir his silver flask.

Twa thoosand books in a skip

Enough tae mak yon writer flip,

In case yin’s ain o their’s-

But surely no?

Local hero movie maker

Becomes a mover an shaker

Does it aw withoot a blip –

Jist keep yer een oan yon skip.

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Light cloud an fresh breeze

Can still hae a pensioner oan thir knees

If they gan withoot a scarf

Folk’ll say thir haen a larf

While ithers whisper

“Big galoot

Probably thinks that May is oot.”🥶

9th March

Angler catches meteorite,

Aye right.

Murray pledges dosh

Fae every swipe-

Bish bash, bosh!

Ne’er mind the Iron- bru,

Withoot shortbread an logs

Yon army disnae ken whit tae do.

Witches get an apology at last,

Too late Chief, the spell is cast

Auld Wicca isnae in the past.

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Dinnae say ye wernae telt

This day ye’d see a downpour

Ye’ll no see the orb aflame

Ye want ma advice,

Ye’d work fae hame.👨‍💻

8th March

Virus causes shrunken brain-

Couple that wie Politics,

Soon there will be nane.

Nurse Gladys Emanuel will be missed

But now micht get

Yon Grocer’s longed for kiss.

Rare Pictish stone dug up,

Yon’s nae minuscule stone-age cup,

One-point-seven metres tall,

Watch if yon beastie taks a fall.

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Anither day o glorious sun,

But only yin tae hae some fun

It pains me fir tae be a pain

But ramorra will see squalls o rain.

Unless of course ye live in Spain

But naewhere near the plain.

7th March

Dinnae think that A’m a toff

Cause A like a Sunday off.

A see yon hermit left his loch

A bet Gleska gave him quite a shock!

An power cuts in the state o Burns

Haud that torch, we’re takin turns.

Whit aboot a giant in the Borders?

Melrose will be taen orders

Wie money aff yer bap,

If ye’ve got the App.

AddNib’s weather WARNING

The day is lookin fine

Even if yer auld

But pay attention tae the temp,

An wear yer coat

Ye’ll find it awfie cauld.🥶

5th March

Wie a first-class stamp

Aboot tae ramp

Ye’ll now no get a letter

Tae park at work, ye’ll hae tae pay

Cooncils withoot fetters!

Nae place tae hide fir the missile crew,

Fightin withoot Iron- Bru

An in the Heelans a victory balloon,

Noo that Shinty’s back in toun.

AddNibs weather WARNING

Ye can put yon wellies right away,

The orb will be beltin oot the day

An the morra tae

Looks like it micht no go away.

Aye right!

4th March

Giant bats in Gleska fly

Search the streets o Gotham

Fir a mutton pie.

Better gettin oan yer bike

April sees a Cooncil hike.

Nighthoods fir the likes o those,

An sic as those –

Keeps the MPs oan thir toes,

Or bended knee.

It’s proved at last…

That gambling disnae pay,

Ain hunner an seventy million

Short the day

An only three hunner million fee

Tae live oan – per soul…

Sounds like laundering tae me

AddNib weather WARNING

Oot tae play’s fir mugs,

Cause it’s raining cats an dugs.

But if needs must

Then hope an pray,

Ye dinnae get clunked

Wie a mangy stray.🐕

3 March

A see that Pisces in the know,

Kens when Capricorn arrives

There’ll be a show.

An Spanish week is on the cards,

Chorizo an paella set for bards

Without a doubt.

But better watch that snout

O yon elephant in the room

An yon bear that has its claws oot

Shame it’s creatures tak the blame,

When Man’s dominion

Brings it hame.

AddNib weather WARNING

So ye thocht that Spring wis here,

Cause Tuesday brocht some cheer –

Ye’ll need must get a weather vane,

Or barometer wid dae

A speakin ain tae save ye time,

“There’s somethin nasty in the woodshed.”

2nd March

Scottish Labour dumps the rose,

Tries MacDiarmid’s thistle,

Tae see how it goes.

Denzel plays Macbeth

“How dae ye say yer name” they shout,

“Disnae matter” he says,

“It’s much ado aboot nowt.”

Yon new job goes

Tae Nicola Benedetti

But she’ll need mair deodorant

A fiddlers elbae

Maks ain’s oxters very sweaty

Twa thoosand twa huner rise

Fir MPs is their prize

Four thoosand luxury cars

Drooned oan the seabed

That the exact same amount o trainers,

Very strange indeed.🕵️‍♂️

AddNib weather WARNING

Yer messages will rise faster than the sun the day cause inflation hasnae gaun away.

Tis but a breeze for a rising some,

Fir yet mair ithers, pure dismay.

1st March

Covid rules in classrooms ease

Nae need tae wear a mask,

If ye want tae ken

Whae’s broken wind,

Ye’ll nae longer hae tae ask.

Auld Reekie loses a conductor

Tis a mercy for the trams

Nae need tae pay the person

Walking roond wie ootstretched arms

Except in the Shetland Islands year

There’ll be conductors on yon rockets,

Hae nae fear.

But nane in the Smoke

Oan Tuesday’s Underground

An that’s nae joke.

AddNibs weather WARNING

The day will be sunny an bright

Fae mornin through tae night

But beware the Ides o March

February was bad enough!

28th February

Nae need tae leap oot o bed

Fir it’s no a leap year they said

Disnae mak muckle sense –

Tae me an mine,

In a leap year Feb has twenty-nine

Then that wuman found an account

Had grown tae a rather large amount

Urges us aw tae search the hoose

In case we’ve got a forgotten stash

Some paperwork tae turn intae cash

Chance wid be a fine thing!

Mair actors receiving accolades

This time for brilliance and resilience

Must be a poet in yon judges’ midst

Either that or they were…

Brahms and Liszt

And now fir AddNibs weather WARNING

The day is much tae be desired,

But the morn sees the orb well-fired

Like the rolls wie Sunday’s fayre

(Enough tae mak a meteorologist glad)

That he’s retired,

Nearly.