14th April

Better tae be hung fir an eagle as a lamb

Yon cullin MP, whit a bam

Whit job is his? A sham!

Oh dear a fine,

Fir drinkin wine –

Whilst wie Majesty,

We bury yours an mine.

Lib Dems mak a pledge

No tae sit oot oan the windae ledge

But tae the fray be first

A wonder if they hae a thirst?

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Na sicht a guid day for bowlin

At the local bowlers’ nuik

As weel yon twelve will no be tholin,

Brousin oer a worthy book.😊👍❤

11th April

Le pen is mightier than Macron,

Aye right far right, let’s bring it on!

Buckley an Redmayne Oliviers keep,

Efter they’ve gien the theatre a sweep.

Actin’s takin such a dive,

Sweep the boards tae stay alive.

Life of Pi taks its toll,

But whit aboot a Greggies sausage roll?

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Since graftin far hame

Each day seems the same

An the barometer’s taen a dive

Yer meteorologist’s barely alive,

Keekin oot at the midden –

As well A’m only kidding.🤪

Ayways here tae dae yer biddin.😇

9th April

Certain status does a bomb,

Payin yer tax like a guid non-dom

The Chancerllor will be chuffed

The wife perhaps a wee bit huffed.

Swearin mair is aw the rage,

If yer o a certain age

Gien yon laldy Fs wie glee

Awricht if ye come fae Dundee.

AddNib’s weather WARNING

No happy wie the BBC

Yer forecaster went oot efter tea

Tae the tap o Arthur’s Seat

An looked across the sky an toun,

Dis that mak him a weather bloon?🎈

8th April

Scotland’s isles give a baby’s name

Whit if done when yer oot the game?

Yon bairn wid hae nae luck

If ca’d efter the Isle o Muck.

How aboot rejuvenated skin

If yer auld yer bound tae win,

An ancient soul intae new skin cram,

Wid that be mutton dressed as lamb?🐑

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Yesterday’s forecast came tae nowt

Yon sun arrived, an worse, stayed out.🥴

But please A beg, dinnae blame me,

Blame the yins at the BBC!🗣

7th April

Plans fir nuclear energy💎

Boost yon North Sea oil industry,🎩

No quite a Greta synergy.🥴

Dyno’s end is summat tae avoid,🦴

But how dae ye avoid an asteroid?☄

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Rain the day will be gien it pelters,

Enough tae extinguise aw the smelters.

April showers ne’er fail,🌧

Except ra morra, prepare for hail.🌨

6th April

Guid excuse fir a gin an tonic🍸

UK’s gaun tae be hypersonic,🚀

Aw except the Manchester yins –

Tickets fir Barbados in the bins.✈

Ministers review fracking,🍾

Is enough tae send one packing,🏇

An ye’ll nae be alone –

Life in an Earthquake zone!😫

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Aye, the days are still dreich

Till later in the week.

But dinnae hud yer breathin,

Or ye jist micht end up seethin

Like yon Beatles, scream an shout,

If ma forecast turns tae nowt.🤧

5th April

Derby cleaneruppers tak a brek,

Crumbs, they’re up tae thir neck

They called, no kennin whit else tae do,

“Let’s hae a proper brew.”

140 polis stations shut

Talk about cracking a hard nut

They’ll ne’er find the 4000 trainers now

Or no until they come hame wie yon cow.

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Weel whit mair can A say

Aboot this manky day?

It will be phishing (somewhat unpleasant)

Even for a struttin pheasant.🦜

Even emojis can be inappropriate

When ye’ve slept in and yer late.🥴

4th April

A wake before a send-off

Seems awright if ye’re a toff

Swillin back the drink the nicht afore

If ye work ahint closed door.🎈

Penny Black is at it agin,

Gies a richt slap oan the chin

Tae scrivvers withoot email

Micht be time tae start a pmail.

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Shall A compare ye tae a Summer’s day?

Nut.

Yon Winter hasnae gaun away.

Of which ye should hae kent,

Yon sun🌞 hae gaun an went.🌧

2nd April

Little dears save little terns

Protect yon nests amongst yon ferns

Could teach ain an aw a thing or twa.

Hidden camera in a hidden nest

Could catch ain in ain’s vest

But privacy law can be tweaked

If ye’re tailed and beaked.

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Brodie felt yon winter blast

But his mither roared it widnae last,

Slidin oan yer bum – ☃️

Yet worse wis still tae come.

When the snaw doth melt

Ye’ll hae midges in yer pelt.🦟

HORRORSCOPE

Fir those whae hae a birthday

It micht be mair than ye can handle,

If yer oer auld tae blaw oot the candle.

1st April

He’s nae April fool,

A pay poke tae mak ye drool

An oor Leader in the lanyard

Announces it is standard

In a shipyard

£3000 a day for pay.🤪🥳😎

Another Leader’s holidays,🍾

Kept private aw they years,

Exhibited fir aw tae see

Micht bring some joyfull tears

Tae some,

Mobilly upward goes the thumb.👍

AddNib’s weather WARNING

Announced the day,

March can be sunnier than May

Loads an loads o flowers.🌻

But beware yon April showers!⛈☂️