18th May

Swinger dis 36 hoors in ain go,

Fairly pittin oan a show

Whilst bairns waitin oan thir shot,

Think the hale thing toffee rot.

Borders Cooncil tae fix thir highways,

Repair the tar oan aw the byways,

“Withoot pitfalls or potholes”,

A thing cyclists cannae thole!

Bit whit aboot the Borders bairns?

Fir years they thoucht folk wirnae carin

When thir trikes cam asunder

Oan the Borders fancy hunder!

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

No a bad day the day,

Though the cloods hanae gain away

An neither his manky May.

A micht be wrang,

But dis Manky May soond like a sang?

Weel ma guitar string jist went twang!

17th May

Greedy angel taks its share,

Leavin Glenfarclas cupboard bare

PM admits surprise

That Brexit has him up tae his eyes

In Irish muck an glaur

Bet he wishes that wis oer.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Shrouds o clouds and gentle breeze

Will hae ye oan yer knees

Prayin fir a glimpse o sun

Slapping suncream by the ton

But dinnae hud yer breathin,

Or ye’ll just end up seethin

An still sittin freezin.

16th May

Easy gien bonus

Cause it pits the onus

Oan thir cabin crew

Whae mair an mair prefer the bru.

He’s nae fool

Keeps his cool

Haen 16 simmits

Seems he has nae limits.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Ne’re cast a cloot,

Or yer wellies ya big galoot,

Fir the East will keek like West

Sae dinnae gan oot in yer vest

Working far hame micht be best

Unless yer a servant civil

Whae’s use tae lots o drivvel.

Some say West is best
But A go wie the rest
Next time A will refuse
Tae live in a constant deluge
Even the news
Is hardly worth much
Except yon meal last night,
Thank God A’m goin Dutch.
Sae the bulletins will hae tae be cut
An the newsroom firmly shut
Till yer man can get back tae the East
An present ye wie anither great feast
O news in brief
Maistly fae Leif.

10th May

Andy’s Munro’s oan the go

Fir a $195 million she puts oan a show

Fuel poverty strikes the lowest paid

That’s a surprise the Chancerlor said

Didn’t know that at all

Perhaps they’ll not get to the ball,

In aid of the funds for that Warhol?

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Wa tae wa showers

Disguise aw the flowers

That we ca oers

It’s just a well the thistle

Can blew it’s ain whistle!

9th May

Ross disnae gie a toss,

Says he’ll stay as leader

Get the bairn that new feeder

It’s sic a greedy bleeder!

Airline taks seats fae craft

Gien nair staff the redundancy draft

A move decided by a clown,

Lost only them that wir sittin down.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

In the East mere pitter patter,

In the West it’s splodge an splatter

If yer hame it disnae matter,

Sittin aroond an haen a natter.

But heed ma WARNING

Stay oot the fridge

Or ye micht get fatter!

7th May

Tories tak a hammering

PM left stammering

“Sae whit’s new?” asks you.

Tis no lang till he’s oan the bru.

Starmer’s a richt warmer

Quaffin an laughin they say,

Keeks like a queue at the bru the day.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

If ye dare wear yer Foster Grant’s

A skimpy tee an skinnier pants

Yer sure tae come asunder.

A’m no sayn it will thunder, quite,

But ye’ll gie folk an awfie fright

Fir the cloods the day will mak it feel like night.

6th May

Tories losing tables an chairs,

Headin doon the apples an pears

Somethin they’ll hate

Alang the path an oot the party gate.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Dreich again

Wie lots o rain

Ye’ll think nae guid at aw,

But at least it isnae snaw.

5th May

High street isnae deid

Merely minor cuts and internal bleed

Says the CEO

A faimly man in the know.

Spring hae shifted by three weeks

Accordin tae yon things wie beaks,

Hard tae mak thir siller,

Aince thir oot o caterpiller.

Noo they mak a different tweet,

An Spring lamb in Summer bleat.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Aye, seasons changin richt enough,

An no just the burds can fin it tough

Meteorologists tae are seik

Wondering if it’s noo or last week.🙄

4th May

Hopes an fear

As elections draw near,

Or jist mair o the same

Wie naebdie tae blame

So mind an be kind

If e’er ain ye can find.

Big Yin does it again,

Lang micht his presence reign

A’d vote for him an aw,

An nae Cooncillor a ta!

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

May’s a richt washoot an cauld

Or is it A’m getting auld,

The joints and digits sair,

A cannae tak much mair –

A just wish A could fly

A’d shoot aff tae Dubai.