AddNib 60

5th May

High street isnae deid

Merely minor cuts and internal bleed

Says the CEO

A faimly man in the know.

Spring hae shifted by three weeks

Accordin tae yon things wie beaks,

Hard tae mak thir siller,

Aince thir oot o caterpiller.

Noo they mak a different tweet,

An Spring lamb in Summer bleat.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Aye, seasons changin richt enough,

An no just the burds can fin it tough

Meteorologists tae are seik

Wondering if it’s noo or last week.🙄

AddNib 59

4th May

Hopes an fear

As elections draw near,

Or jist mair o the same

Wie naebdie tae blame

So mind an be kind

If e’er ain ye can find.

Big Yin does it again,

Lang micht his presence reign

A’d vote for him an aw,

An nae Cooncillor a ta!

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

May’s a richt washoot an cauld

Or is it A’m getting auld,

The joints and digits sair,

A cannae tak much mair –

A just wish A could fly

A’d shoot aff tae Dubai.

AddNib 58

2nd May

A murmuring o stars

Gather in the cafes an bars

In guid auld NY city

My they sure look pretty.💃

A trader caused the market crash,

Threw portfolio in the trash

Mistook it for his half chewed dog

Causin the index tae lose a cog.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Whit happened tae May?

The blessed sun hae gaun away

Splutter, choke, crash an fizzle,

Aw wir left wie, damp an drizzle.

AddNib 57

30th April

Ne’re mind aboot the weather,

Venus an Jupiter hae goat it thegither.

Ken whaer A’ll be headin-

Ayways preferred a Saturday weddin.💏

Chancerlor gans back oan his word,

Na, impossible, that’s absurd

MPs dinnae lie,

Or treat folk tae pie in the sky.

No like that bloke fae York,

Haen a tongue like a spiked fork.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

The trouble wie rain the day,

Ye’ll no ken if it’s the dew o May

When ra morra ye bow yer head,

It micht be Sunday’s rain instead.🙄

AddNib 56

29th April

Lynx could be broucht back,🐈

So tak care if yer oot oan a track

Their favourite grub is walkers,

Game keepers an stalkers!👨‍🌾

No Mow May

Says leave yer grass the day,

An ra morra tae

An aw the floers will blossom

An micht help hide yon possum,

Or wis it a lynx ye’ll find?

Tae be honest, A cannae mind.🙄

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Watch when hingin oot yer claithes

In yon bright an sunny days

Ye dinnae tred oan wild floers

Or disturb yon cat –

As in yer gress it coers.🙏

AddNib 55

28th April

Chancerlor says helping folk is silly,

Tis better tae go hungry, willy-nilly.

Keekin forit tae the weekend,

Loads and loads o dosh tae spend.

Teviothead is head o it’s time,

Haen a man o colour,

Teachin maths an rhyme

Wish he had been mine!!!

Tom Jenkins man o repute,

A trail blazer, withoot a doobt.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Sand far the Sahara up yer nose,

Buy a camel, see how it goes.🐫

Azure blue fae wa tae wa

But watch yer camel disnae fa

Doon ain o yon trenches oan oor roads,

Tak a chance an see how it goes.

Like me nae doobt, humpty bump,

Tis nae wonder A tak the hump!🚴‍♂️

AddNib 54

27th April

Oh oh P&O

Mind how ye go,

Or dinnae, as the case may be,

Forlornly lost at sea.

Vampire devices cost us dear,

Twa sharp teeth an a nasty sneer!🧛‍♂️

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Temp hardly higher than ten

No like the prices then,

Shooting up like rockets

A great big hole in wir pockets!

AddNib 53

26th April

Heads cannae tak the strain

No enough dosh an twa much pain!👨‍🎓

Driverless buses

Will ca some cusses

Hae ye livin oan forlorn hope

That at yer bus stop they will stoap.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Be aware o canvassers,

In aw shapes an sizes

A received a letter fae ain

That looked like A’d won some prizes.

Whit a letter o introduction?

Fae a sucker oan full suction!

“Would you care to give your vote?

I care for you an awful loat.”

AddNib 52

25th April

See, telt ye –

Macron est mightier than le Pen!

C’est time for a vacance,

But mind an use yer nonce

Watch how ye go;

Ye’ll no ken if it’s back or forward

If ye go wie P&O.

AddNib’s Weather WARNING

Keekin oot the widnae

A tee-shirt ye’ll want tae don,

But dinnae forget,

Yer central heating’s on.

Step oot that door withoot a coat,

Ye’ll be back inside

Faster than McGinty’s goat.🐐